A Little Note
Clutter. That's pretty much my life. It is full of clutter.
I wouldn't say that I hoard things, it's more that I accumulate little things I don't necessarily need to hold on to. It has never got to a crazy point of that I can't even clean my room, it's more that I start looking at the things I have and question why on earth I still have them in my possession. Why do I keep those cinema tickets? Why on earth do I still have that toy frame still?
The honest answer is that I keep them because I want to remember. I want to remember the story behind each and every item I own, and have owned. Some of those little things are connected to some of my happiest memories. That's why I have them. My memory items.
But it gets too much sometimes. As I realised when the memory items become a mess in my eyes. They help build up the clutter that I'm prone to making naturally. I wouldn't say I'm a messy person, I'm definitely not a dirty person (I hate dirt and filth with a passion), but I am prone to being very lazy. And that isn't helped, I realise now, when I have unecessary items floating around my living space. It also doesn't help that I love stationary, so I had collected various stationary from over the years, most of which I no longer used or worked anymore. This was then topped up with the fact that I did art at GCSE's so I still have all my art supplies alongside my love of reading and notebooks. Basically, I had a LOT of stuff. I needed to change.
Most of my things, I hadn't used in a long time. So i decided I had to be ruthless with myself. My environment affected my peace of mind and a cluttered environment meant a cluttered mind. So I had to start getting rid of things. I got rid of the old clothes I didnt wear, the old shoes I was never going to wear, the papers and notebooks that just had to go, the makeup and nail varnish I never used, the endless stationary that was taking up uneccessary space. I got rid of LOADS of things. And I started feeling better for it.
I then went to uni. And when you're living in student halls you cannot take your whole world. This is where I really learned that half of the things I had at home were unecessary. I still had some throwing away to do. I still do if I'm honest. In my minimalising, I've had a bit of backlash. Mainly from my mum who just doesn't see why I want to get rid of so much. I honestly don't want become a minimalist. Their lifestyle is just not for me, I admire them, but it's not for me! I just want to become more centred. Not focusing on the unecessary, but focusing on what is really important. And the space I live in needs to reflect that. It's a journey, but I can see my head space clearing as I travel on it.
My minimalising isn't just confined to my bedroom. It also spanned out to my kitchen at uni. I only buy what I need. In my family, we made a habit of buying more than we need and often that resulted in things going off. As a student I can't afford that, so I have to buy the minimal and top up only if needed. It's made cooking so much more fun. When I open the fridge, I'm not overwhelmed by the amount of choice I have. I also don't waste anywhere near as much as I did at home. I realised that having too much was overwhelming when I went home for the holidays. Looking through the fridge and cupboards for something to eat was so hard because there was just too much. I couldn't decide what to make. It made me reflect on how I can't focus when my room is messy and I have to study, especially my desk.
The writing above was a post I started writing sometime earlier this year which got lost in the hurricane of exam stress and revision. Reading it now as I've officially finished my first year of uni, it brings back memories. I can remember the feelings I felt throughout the last term, the sense of anxiety, the fustration as I tried and failed to find its source, the emotional and physical tiredness of looking at my room and kitchen, the complaicancy to clean my room because of the physical exhaustion. It was all too much for my mind, body and soul. I say soul because I am currently experiencing a spiritual dryness that is a result of the the overwhelmingness (that's definitely not a real word) that I endured in the last leg of the academic year. It has drained me to a point where it feels like I am starting all over again.
This feeling of starting at ground zero is spilling into every aspect of my life. I've started preparing for next year, which includes summer reading, getting my diary sorted, just general preparation for a (hopefully) productive year. My exercise life, which was all but dead, is starting from ground zero. I'm attempting to start up my hobbies again, to find the love that I had for them before the stress and anxiety took over. It is ground zero. And that includes this blog. I've written some book reviews to make sure this site is not dead, as well changing the name from Littlebluelondon to Littlebluewonderings. And with that I feel that I've lost the vision I had for this blog. But I'm realising that is okay. It seems that everyone has it together, but I honestly don't have the energy to pretend that I do. Instead I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have no idea what I am doing, but I do know that one thing I want this blog to be is honest. I want every post to be a honest one, whether it is a book review, my thoughts or a mini story. It will be honest.
So here to being honest. See you soon,
Ellah x
I wouldn't say that I hoard things, it's more that I accumulate little things I don't necessarily need to hold on to. It has never got to a crazy point of that I can't even clean my room, it's more that I start looking at the things I have and question why on earth I still have them in my possession. Why do I keep those cinema tickets? Why on earth do I still have that toy frame still?
The honest answer is that I keep them because I want to remember. I want to remember the story behind each and every item I own, and have owned. Some of those little things are connected to some of my happiest memories. That's why I have them. My memory items.
But it gets too much sometimes. As I realised when the memory items become a mess in my eyes. They help build up the clutter that I'm prone to making naturally. I wouldn't say I'm a messy person, I'm definitely not a dirty person (I hate dirt and filth with a passion), but I am prone to being very lazy. And that isn't helped, I realise now, when I have unecessary items floating around my living space. It also doesn't help that I love stationary, so I had collected various stationary from over the years, most of which I no longer used or worked anymore. This was then topped up with the fact that I did art at GCSE's so I still have all my art supplies alongside my love of reading and notebooks. Basically, I had a LOT of stuff. I needed to change.
Most of my things, I hadn't used in a long time. So i decided I had to be ruthless with myself. My environment affected my peace of mind and a cluttered environment meant a cluttered mind. So I had to start getting rid of things. I got rid of the old clothes I didnt wear, the old shoes I was never going to wear, the papers and notebooks that just had to go, the makeup and nail varnish I never used, the endless stationary that was taking up uneccessary space. I got rid of LOADS of things. And I started feeling better for it.
I then went to uni. And when you're living in student halls you cannot take your whole world. This is where I really learned that half of the things I had at home were unecessary. I still had some throwing away to do. I still do if I'm honest. In my minimalising, I've had a bit of backlash. Mainly from my mum who just doesn't see why I want to get rid of so much. I honestly don't want become a minimalist. Their lifestyle is just not for me, I admire them, but it's not for me! I just want to become more centred. Not focusing on the unecessary, but focusing on what is really important. And the space I live in needs to reflect that. It's a journey, but I can see my head space clearing as I travel on it.
My minimalising isn't just confined to my bedroom. It also spanned out to my kitchen at uni. I only buy what I need. In my family, we made a habit of buying more than we need and often that resulted in things going off. As a student I can't afford that, so I have to buy the minimal and top up only if needed. It's made cooking so much more fun. When I open the fridge, I'm not overwhelmed by the amount of choice I have. I also don't waste anywhere near as much as I did at home. I realised that having too much was overwhelming when I went home for the holidays. Looking through the fridge and cupboards for something to eat was so hard because there was just too much. I couldn't decide what to make. It made me reflect on how I can't focus when my room is messy and I have to study, especially my desk.
The writing above was a post I started writing sometime earlier this year which got lost in the hurricane of exam stress and revision. Reading it now as I've officially finished my first year of uni, it brings back memories. I can remember the feelings I felt throughout the last term, the sense of anxiety, the fustration as I tried and failed to find its source, the emotional and physical tiredness of looking at my room and kitchen, the complaicancy to clean my room because of the physical exhaustion. It was all too much for my mind, body and soul. I say soul because I am currently experiencing a spiritual dryness that is a result of the the overwhelmingness (that's definitely not a real word) that I endured in the last leg of the academic year. It has drained me to a point where it feels like I am starting all over again.
This feeling of starting at ground zero is spilling into every aspect of my life. I've started preparing for next year, which includes summer reading, getting my diary sorted, just general preparation for a (hopefully) productive year. My exercise life, which was all but dead, is starting from ground zero. I'm attempting to start up my hobbies again, to find the love that I had for them before the stress and anxiety took over. It is ground zero. And that includes this blog. I've written some book reviews to make sure this site is not dead, as well changing the name from Littlebluelondon to Littlebluewonderings. And with that I feel that I've lost the vision I had for this blog. But I'm realising that is okay. It seems that everyone has it together, but I honestly don't have the energy to pretend that I do. Instead I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have no idea what I am doing, but I do know that one thing I want this blog to be is honest. I want every post to be a honest one, whether it is a book review, my thoughts or a mini story. It will be honest.
So here to being honest. See you soon,
Ellah x
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