Transition

I think I’m in the transition phase.  A phase where you go between two extremes f your personality. At the beginning of the school year, I was in my very loving, kind, caring motherly mode. Now. Well now I’m pretty much the exact opposite. I feel, tired, drained. I don’t have the energy to pour my love into other. What energy I do have is to pour out my frustrations. This may sometimes come out like I’m being quite mean and aggressive, but I don’t really mean to be that harsh. I just can’t be bothered to sugar coat everything like most people do, even I do when I have the energy to put a filter on it.

I wouldn’t say that I am proud of this phase. But I honestly can say that I have embraced that I am just not myself at the moment. I feel out of body, as if I’m there but not fully. I hope that everyone goes through this phase, and that I’m not alone. Well maybe not to the same extent, but some degree of not feeling as if they are completely themselves. It’s quite scary because I honestly don’t know how I’m going to turn out. I’m fearful of the future. I’m even more scared because I so want to be myself but I honestly don’t know who myself is at the moment. I’m lost.

One good thing from this period of my life is that I’m learning to be more in touch with my emotions, my feelings. I’ve been writing down how I feel, my thoughts. I’m trying to understand my thought process, how I digest everything so that even in this moment of confusion I’m getting something positive out of it.

In this moment, I encourage you to be in touch with who you are. Even if you’re feeling as if you’re not yourself, you’re not the only one, and you can still get something out of it.

Ellah xx